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A few weeks ago I was texting with a guy who clearly was interested in a relationship. While getting acquainted, I asked a question that perhaps naively seemed harmless to me.

At this point we had already set a tentative date to get drinks, looking for some funsex it was less a proposition and more of a legitimate question. While this was sort of a half-truth, I responded in a non-committal sort of way and the conversation progressed to other things. Our tentative first date never happened, he was overeager and pushy and I gave up a couple of days later but his revision of my answer stuck with me. Queer men have such a warped sense of sex positivity.

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For many most, I would guess they see it as a means to an end. Sowing wild oats is acceptable if and only if you are always simultaneously looking for some funsex looking for something. As a liberal, sex-positive, queer, feminist, cis man with an androgynous aesthetic this is so incredibly frustrating.

To me, being sex positive means that because I am not looking for some funsex a committed, monogamous relationship I pursue sex with a number a various other men— without feeling guilty about it or marriages online dating to tell myself that it is only a means to an end. I should of course say that there are those out there who really do want to settle down, and looking for some funsex are only okay with an occasional hookup while they date and look for a long-term relationship.

Basically, it is your body to do with as you. It releases positive endorphins, it feels good… hell it even burns calories. Sex is a wonderful and completely natural thing.

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